Tenspeed & Brownshoe

Friday, April 14, 2006


If you don't have any kids than this post will mean nothing to you. But if you do and you've ever watched television with your kid, chances are you've seen Blue's Clues. For those of you who haven't seen the show, this is pretty much how it goes:

A non-threatening manchild in a green striped shirt named Steve, lives with his paper-cut-out cartoony dog in a paper-cut-out cartoony apartment. As the "day" progresses, the dog will leave clues for Steve as to what he wants to make, construct, or eat. Let me say that again. The DOG leaves the clues...mmm-hmm. The show is harmless enough and I don't think my kid realizes that in the real world, Steve, has an exceptional serial killer quality to him. Here's the real problem. Those fucking clues.

I mean, it's supposed to be a kid's show. Except for one small problem. I never understand those fucking clues. Example: The stupid dog gives Steve a string and two paper cups. Serial Killer Steve looks at the camera and asks,"What does he want us to make?" I scream, "Nunchucks!" My son screams, "Telephone!". My son was right.

And then the clues get even harder. I'm watching the show this morning and the clues were:

3 Rubber Bands. An Empty Tissue Box. An Empty Roll of Paper Towels.

What does the dog want us to make? I have no fucking clue. Because they don't sound like clues to me. They sound like trash. The show described the exact contents of my bathroom garage bin. Now this is what pisses me off. I look over to my son and I can tell by the look on his face that he figured it out.

3 Rubber Bands. An Empty Tissue Box. An Empty Roll of Paper Towels.

And my son figured it out. Is he that smart or am I that dumb? The night before he pissed in his bed so I'm not sure. But he wants to scream it out so bad. I look at him and scream, "ONE MORE SECOND!!" But he wants to scream it out sooo bad. So I gave him a "time out" and change the channel to Blind Date.

But that wasn't right. I shouldn't have punished him. So I walked over and give him a hug. He looks at me and says, "A guitar".

I don't want my son watching that show anymore.