Tenspeed & Brownshoe

Monday, June 12, 2006

A Real American Hero.

Finally, someone said it. I think it's fair to say that Ann Coulter speaks for most Americans, especially her views on the 911 widows. I'm so glad she's around to tell it like it is. In fact, I'm so happy I think I'll write her a letter and express my gratitude, and if I may, yours as well.

Dear Annie (I gave her this little pet name--trust me, she loves it),

Thank you so much for your words the other day regarding those damn 911 Widows. I'm sure everyone around the globe feels the same way you do. Sure their husbands were brutally murdered by a coward who strangely remains free till this day. Yeah, their spouses died horribly--some were burned alive, some were literally flattened, others much much worse--but that doesn't excuse those "harpies" behavior.

Look, 911 was like soo 5 years ago. These chicks hold a grudge longer than my ex-wife. There they are asking our President to install new and efficient measures to keep the country safe. And then they want to explore why there were so many critical failures in our defense and in our reaction. Which just shows how stupid they are. I mean, what reaction? It's not like we did anything constructive like go after the guy who orchestrated the entire terrorist act.

We just let it go. Which is what they need to do.

Also, it's not like these murdered husbands just left behind grief stricken wives. Some of these guys had kids too. And you don't see those kids complaining, do you? Do you know how much money some of these kids are getting? Hundreds, baby. Hundreds of dollars. Enough money to pay for like 4 days of college. Cha-Ching! They might cry about their dads being dead and wonder if their deaths were avoidable as if there were some kind of memo floating around the White House a month earlier that stated, "Bin Laden determined to attack inside the US", but trust me...THEY WILL GET OVER IT.

When you said, "These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much.'' I was like, Word Up, Sista! Preach! Look how happy these widows are. With their...you know, happy, teary faces. I bet they wished this could've happened sooner. They made out like bandits. But not just with the money. Let's really weigh this out:

The cost of 4 buildings being destroyed by terrorists: Billions.

The cost for all those dead husbands: Priceless.

Some people say that you're actually the one profiting from all these deaths. After all, 911 did kind of make you a millionaire. But you know what? Anyone who thinks that is guilty of treason. That's right, treason. As defined by real Americans like you and me:

Treason: (noun) To question or seek answers from the Government when all logic and common sense indicates that they've failed us as a Nation.


Anyway, I have to go kick some puppies and light homeless babies on fire. I just wanted to thank you again for all of your thoughts and kind words. Please, never stop fighting the good fight. You may be a grotesque assortment of skin and bones but your heart is as big as your head.

Thank you.


Another Real American