Tenspeed & Brownshoe

Friday, July 07, 2006

Los Angeles baby!

First of all, my deep apologies for not posting in so long. I've been incredibly busy with my film that's premiering next week and with my new television show, which was my primary reason for going back out to LA.

As promised, here is my other installment of that New York vs. Los Angeles thing....

You know you're in Los Angeles When...

You ask someone for directions and they tell you to get on 3 different highways when your destination is only 3 miles away.

Because nobody fucking works, It's 11am and you're sitting in traffic...

...unless you're on Olympic Blvd., which apparently, no one drives on.

You've been driving for 30 minutes and you realize that no one's beeped their horn.

Hollywood Blvd. is exactly like Times Square. In the sense that you want to line the streets with gasoline and light a match.

The women don't look like Pamela Anderson anymore. Now they all look like Mischa Barton which is just as gross.

Hey look! It's that guy, from that show, like ten years ago! And he's parking my car...?

Jessica Simpson is walking out of some store on Robertson Blvd. pretending she doesn't want to be photographed...even though Robertson Blvd. has pound for pound the most photographers on planet Earth. It's like vacationing in Israel and expecting not to get blown up.

Ryan Seacrest's picture is everywhere. Like EVERYWHERE.

Scraggly beards are cool!

Long hair is cool!

Women wearing thirteen different types of shirts at the same time is cool!

And then wearing those shirts as dresses is really cool!

So that's pretty much LA. I'll leave you with a poignant moment. This is something I realized on my 3rd day there:

The Superman Guy in front of Mann's Theatre would totally get his ass kicked by The Naked Cowboy in Times Square.