Tenspeed & Brownshoe

Monday, July 24, 2006

Um...Thanks. Yeah, that's my son in the top left corner.

Kudos to Sony Pictures for making a movie that's marketed to kids that's so fucking scary I had to walk out with my son after the first 15 minutes.

Here's what happened in the first 15 minutes of Monster House. The movie opens with a little girl riding her tricycle down the block. Her wheels gets stuck in the grass of said house and this insane scary old man comes running out, grabs the bike, and literally rips it in half. Then the two main characters are playing basketball and the ball accidentally rolls onto the crazy guy's grass again. Well, crazy old man comes running out and actually tries to grab the kid! And then he actually does grab the kid! He then hoists him into the air while screaming, "I'll kill you! Do you want to die?!" And uh, then the old guy starts to have a heart attack.


Wanna know what happens next? He falls down dead...on top of the goddamn kid. I repeat, a dead guy falls on top of a little kid. In which the movie spends a good 10 seconds on the dead guys eyes.

That was the first 7 minutes.

The next 8 minutes consisted of the introduction of a mean and bitchy babysitter, her soon to be rapist boyfriend who gets drunk at the kids house, and then his eventual death. Did I mention the boyfriend tried to rape the babysitter?

Now my son thinks I'm an asshole for taking him to this movie.

Thanks, Monster House!