Tenspeed & Brownshoe: August 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Excellent point my good man and anytime you can reference a guilty pleasure movie from the eighties you receive a bonus and get to skip ahead to the final round.
While I don't know what thing or person sent you off on such a tear by implying that reality TV was destroying our culture, they are of course part of a cycle that will never go away and these people never see themslelves when you show them the mirror. (As in Mr. Lithgows unforgettable performance in Footloose.)

Yes, Elvis' dancing was supposed to make little girls all over the country lose their virginity simply by watching him on Ed Sullivan. Now the whole thing seems quaint at best.

Reality TV, while gratingly uncreative and repetitive and just stupid is of course hurting no one. (Except of coures Pimp My Ride, the best of the best.) I take solace in the fact that when a new Harry Potter book comes out there is a line around the corner of people looking forward to buying it. At least someone is reading something. And people are camping out all night to see Meryl Streep in a seventy year old play that was originally written in German. Ying and Yang baby.

People will watch any fucking thing you put on television then complain that there is nothing on. Music videos and video games were supposed to make kids dumb; but these teenage brainiacs are doing ten things at once at their computers while IM-ing and talking on the phone while I sweat my shirt to my back looking at an Excel spreadsheet.

The world has always been ending and it never actually will.
Historically speaking the country has never been in good shape according to those there at the moment, but somehow a decade or two makes everything seem like it was hunky dory.
Hang in there.
I am Brownshoe and this is what I have seen thus far.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Now look what you did you stupid Reality Shows!

It never fails. Never.

Every once in awhile you'll get into a conversation with someone and if the subject of Reality Shows pops up, some genius will always point out that they are destroying our culture. I think it's time to clarify a few things and let the "reality" of that viewpoint to come to light.

Dear Culture Elitists,

Reality Shows do not destroy our culture. They don't even affect our culture. They affect our POP culture. "Baby Got Back", MC Hammer's parachute pants, Beavis & Butthead, Jackass, Tom Green, Howard Stern...they never did get around to destroying our culture, did they? That's because it's all pop culture. They're all great questions for a game show but terrorists aren't trying to blow up America because there was a girl on girl kiss on The Real World.

These are the same arguments that your grandparents made to your parents about Rock & Roll and "fast dancing". Here's the truth. They just didn't get it. Your parents just didn't get it. And now you don't get it.

These shows...they're not for you. You don't get it. You have different tastes and needs. You're a bit behind. Now there's nothing wrong with that but you need to realize that as much as you tried to rebel against this when you were a teenager, you're turning into your parents. No, you ARE your parents. It happens to us all.

Here's another funny little fact. Most of you who rail against this medium mostly have one thing in common.

You don't have any kids.

I'm not saying that you don't like kids. I'm just saying that you don't have any kids. Before you have kids you think so many things are stupid, idiotic, or destroying our culture. But when you have kids you slowly start to realize, "Oh...this isn't for me. It's for someone else. And they like it." Sort of like the way The Maltese Falcon is not for kids. It's good to us but they just won't get it.

So, stop trying to figure out why Flava of Love is popular. You won't get it. Ever.

It's just not for you.

But you're not crazy. Our culture is being destroyed. It's being destroyed by Poverty, Terrorism, and an Environment that might not even sustain us in the next 100 years. We have a Foreign Policy that could lead us into World War III, that's destroying our culture. We have a Theocracy that's stealing reason, common sense, and our medical science. Now that's destroying our culture. American Idol? Mmmm, not so much.

So maybe you should just get a grip. Focus on the real problems of society. Go to the gym. Tell your loved ones that you love them. Get off the soapbox. Otherwise you're just John Lithgow from Footloose.

And it only goes downhill from there.



Saturday, August 19, 2006

Just in case anyone didn't get a chance to see the trailer for the film, Serial...here it is!


Friday, August 18, 2006

So far this is the best I can do regarding the videos...

So some of you have already noticed that there are some changes to our little site. The template is completely different...obviously. The picture in the header of the park bench kind of reminds me of Brownshoe. Whenever we meet, he wants to be outside somewhere on a park bench as if an office is the place where they steal your soul. It's also dark and bleak because he's one cynical little bastard.

The Second thing to change was the Comments Section. As in, they don't exist anymore.

I noticed that some other blogs kind of went through the same thing that we did. They had a comment section and then it closed. I think there's a couple of reasons for this.

Some of these blogs like What Would Tyler Durden Do? and Go Fug Yourself are inherently mean blogs. While entertaining, the basic premise of their blogs are to trash celebrites, so the comments that they received were usually, "Who the fuck are you to judge?! I bet you look like Chris Farley's dead asshole!" So, off goes the comments. Then there are other blogs like Jane Espenson and The Inside Pitch that are very positive while giving out some sage advice. The problem is, for every person who is truly appreciative for the words and the help, there's always a bunch of other assholes that basically just want to call you an asshole. Like, "You don't know what the hell you're talking about! Who are you to give advice?!" And at that point it's just too gross to start reeling off your credits. While we're not raking in millions of studio dollars, we're definitely not rank amateurs either. We work in the entertainment business for a living and personally I've been doing just fine for the last decade here in NY.

You just can't get away from all those opinions. They say that opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one and everybody thinks that everyone else's stinks. I think opinions are more like trying to measure your penis. It sounds like a good idea in your head but once you pull it out it's never as profound as you thought, it usually ends up just kind of lying there, and somebody is bound to make fun of it.

I think the main (let's be truthful everybody...) reason for a Comment Section has probably less to do with creating a civilized forum and more to do with seeing how many people read your blog and then getting excited to see "posts" from strangers. 10 complete strangers posted today! Yeah...great. But 3 of those posts read like love letters from Buffalo Bill. And no, I will not put the lotion in the basket.

So the Comment Section is now and forever closed. We know how many people visit and read the site. It's actually way more than we ever thought. So great, keep on reading. But if you want inspired debate from actual smart people, go to The Artful Writer. Craig Mazin and Ted Elliott are informed writers who work in Hollywood that can give you more to debate about then my big bag of bullshit.

We're also trying to host more videos. I'd love for the videos to start playing within the blog but so far it just kind of starts the video in a new window. I'll keep trying but it's like...way hard.

Anyway, enjoy the site and keep reading!


Tuesday, August 15, 2006

If I was a homeless guy, I would totally beg for change outside the post office and here's why;
When you buy stamps in the machine you get those pain in the ass dollar coins for change.
Nobody wants them - everybody wants to get rid of them.
I was thinking today as I exited the post office that if there was a homeless guy I would make his day and give him my dollar coins.
But there wasn't one so I kept them.

Speaking of homeless guys,
Last night I had occasion to be leaving a catered party with a zip lock bag full of cheese; you know, cubes of jalapeno cheese, dill havarti, ect... no brie though.
And I walked by this homeless guy and thought, do I give him the cheese?
He was the sitting on the sidewalk with a sign variety. (Where do they get the marker for the sign?)
Would he want the cheese? I didn't want to insult him by implying that yes, he was homeless- but was he so bad off that he would eat unwanted cheese out of a zip lock bag? Without so much as a table water cracker? I told myself,
He will probably just trade it for drugs.
A block later I saw how silly I looked walking down 34th street with a zip lock bag full of cheese and threw it away.
I am Brownshoe and this is my story

I have a recurring dream where I am a guest on Tony Danzas talk show.
I am trying to tell him something really important and he keeps calling me Angela, and he puts his hand on my knee.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


I guess an explanation is needed.

Recently, I just had a pitch meeting at the home of Golden Guilded Teeth and Best Seven Days Eva'. It was for a pilot that we shot with the popular comedian, Rich Vos. Basically, a young beautiful girl goes out on a date with two rich older men trying to determine which one of the guys is rich. Then they all go back in front of a live studio audience, watch the dates, and the girl picks. Pretty simple. Truth be told, the show is fucking hilarious. And yes, the name of the show is called Sugar Daddies.

Anyway, we bring the pilot over to the, "Yeeeaahhh Boooy!" network and screen it for two lovely young female executives. I wasn't really sure if they would like it because Rich Vos works kind of well...blue. But I was hopeful. 10 seconds into the pilot, the girls are laughing. Which continues throughout the entire 21 minutes of the pilot.


Usually, after you screen a pilot, the creators and the executives will talk about logistics and other little issues. But since they both laughed throughout the pilot, I knew this was gonna be easy. But the first thing they say to us is:

"Wow. That was really funny. (Pause) I think we're just concerned that this doesn't exactly show women in a very flattering light."




I politely reminded them of the other shows that air on their own network. They told me that the shows that are airing now don't really degrade women.

Again, um...

Okay. Two things. Number one, Sugar Daddies does indeed degrade women. Sugar Daddies also degrades men. Sugar Daddies degrades Rich Vos as well. The truth is, it's a comedy show. Comedy always has some sort of degradation as humor. In some ways, it's kind of like watching a really vapid, self centered, gold-digging train wreck. I might be wrong but by judging every single reality type based programming that's ever aired on television, with the exception of Extreme Makeover, there's always a character on the show that's degraded in some way with a dash of personal train wreckerism.

Number two, I just watched the second season of Flava of Love. You know, the show where 20 women compete for fame...er, excuse me, love of not really that famous anymore, Flava Flav. Thank God that network doesn't degrade women. Otherwise there would've been a catfight in the first 10 minutes of the show. Oh wait...that happened.

Well, Thank God, the women didn't get drunk and start licking each other on the no-no spots. Whoops...happened.


Girls "dropping it like it's hot"...happened.

My 92 year old grandmother, whoops, I mean Flava Flav, slapping name tags on the butts and breasts of these women...happened.

Let's see, what's left? Well, at the very least a woman didn't take a shit on the floor. Oh, wait...


I wonder if a woman watching that show would feel degraded? Gee, I don't know.

Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't about degradation. Maybe, just maybe, those executives (one of whom was only at the network for 2 weeks), has no clue what an audience is looking for. Truth is, those executives wouldn't have put any of the more popular shows on the air if they were in charge.

This is why creatives complain about executives.

Then again, what the hell do I know? I used to be one.